


In the Bleak Midwinter

by imagined_haven



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Kid Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:54:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28201920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imagined_haven/pseuds/imagined_haven
Summary: Aelin Galathynius returns to Orynth for the first time in years after a rough breakup, having promised her cousin that they could spend Yulemas together. She couldn’t have known how much everything in Orynth had changed... or perhaps it was she who had done the changing.As she runs into old faces and meets a new face as well, she comes to realize that perhaps her life isn’t done changing after all.
Relationships: Aedion Ashryver/Lysandra, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	In the Bleak Midwinter

Snow crunched under Aelin’s boot as she stepped onto the corner of a street she’d thought she’d never see again.

It had been five long years since she’d set foot in Orynth at all, much less on this street in particular. She had left the small town behind as soon as she’d graduated from high school, and had never intended to look back. She still wouldn’t have, were it not for an invitation from her cousin at exactly the right time.

A wind blew down the street, picking up snow that lingered in the branches of dormant trees. A child’s laugh rang clear as a bell down the street, and a lower echo came from behind her. “Aelin, you didn’t mention that you used to live in a literal winter wonderland.”

She turned to see her former college roommate and current best friend trying to catch one of the stray flakes on her tongue, more clinging to her chestnut curls, and couldn’t stop herself from smiling despite the hollow feeling in her chest. “Lysandra, I’m sure I complained to you literally every winter break about having to go back home to six feet of snow. There’s a reason I didn’t ask Aedion to pick us up at the train station.”

It was true; though it was no longer actively snowing, there was no way her cousin would’ve made it to the station to greet them. The snow must have only just ended recently, within the past half hour if she had to hazard a guess. No, even with each of them carrying a bag with them it had been safer to walk the short distance between the station and the house on the end of this lane.

The house had once been her uncle’s, and she had lived in that little house for more of her life than she hadn’t. She had moved in when she was only eight, after her parents had died, and she remembered standing on its porch for the first time as a terrified little girl.

_Go on_ , Uncle Gavriel had said then, knowing it had been what she’d needed to hear at the time. It echoed in her mind as clearly as though he were standing behind her now, sensing her hesitation as an adult as readily as he had sensed her childish fear then.

Aelin shook her head, trying to clear the sound from her mind; he was gone now as well, just as her parents were. Aedion had called and written to her two years ago to confirm it, but she had only just started a new job at the time and had chosen to stay in Rifthold pursuing a career she had thought would mean everything. It had turned out that that job meant nothing in the end, but she couldn’t have known that at the time no matter how many times she laid awake at night wondering what had become of all of her dreams.

There was a lot she couldn’t have known then, she supposed.

Something cold and wet hit the back of her head and she gasped, whirling around to see Lysandra scooping more snow from the ground, mischief sparkling bright in her friend’s green eyes. “You’re thinking too hard!” she called, hands cupped together around a small mound of snow to compact it.

“Lysandra,” she tried, “that’s really not—”

The next ball of snow sprayed across her chest, flakes dusting her chin and cheeks as it exploded on impact. Lysandra doubled over, bracing her hands on her knees as she laughed. “Gods, but you should see your face!” she gasped between bouts of mirth.

Oh, it was _on_. Aelin carefully set her bag down beside her, slowly gathering her own mound of snow. “You have one chance to surrender,” she called back to her friend.

“Why would I do that? We came here to give you a _break_ , Aelin, and I intend to deliver!”

Rather than throw the perfectly-shaped orb she now held in her hands, she set it beside her bag and began to form a second. “You would do that because you know how much I hate to lose,” she pointed out, “and you should know exactly what that’s going to mean for you. Last chance. _Surrender_.”

“Never!” her friend cried, and then it was on.

Within just a few short minutes both of their wool coats were completely soaked through, though they were still occasionally tossing snow at each other between fits of laughter and bouts of shivering. “Give up, and we can go get warm!” Aelin shouted.

“N-no!” Lysandra gasped. Time to play dirty, then.

Scooping a mound of snow in her left hand where her friend couldn’t see it, Aelin walked up to her…

And dumped the entire handful of snow down the back of her neck.

Lysandra shrieked, fingers clawing at the snow as it melted down her back. “ _You—_ ”

“I _win_ ,” she interjected. “Say what you want, but we both know it.”

Without waiting for Lysandra to respond, she turned and lifted her bag again. This time, she didn’t hesitate as she walked down the lane to the house that stood at the end.

It hadn’t changed one bit from what she remembered, the tree where she’d first learned to climb still standing tall and proud in the center of a snowy yard. A sad-looking wreath was affixed to the door, and Aelin couldn’t help but smile at her cousin’s sorry effort at holiday cheer. If she had to guess, that was definitely a last-minute addition when she’d finally called him back and said she would come after all. She would have to find something lying around to fix it; she wasn’t sure how much of her old crafting supplies he’d kept, but she’d find something. She’d make do if she had to.

She was perhaps three doors away from the house that was her destination when her foot slipped on a patch of particularly slick snow—or perhaps it was already ice, it was hard to tell. With a gasp, she fell forward, and the air left her lungs as she fell on top of her bag. Well, maybe she’d looked like she’d been bracing herself on it for balance. With all the confidence she could muster, she picked herself up and took a single step forward into a firm obstacle that hadn’t been there earlier. Frowning, she glanced up, only to freeze when a pair of green eyes she’d long thought forgotten transported her back in time.

* * *

_Aelin had just turned fourteen about a month before a new boy moved into the neighborhood, and the commotion was enough that she missed the baseball Aedion had just tossed her way. “Hey, do you have any idea who that is?” she asked him. “He looks like he’s maybe your age, you seen him around before?”_

_Aedion frowned thoughtfully. “No. He’s going into Maeve’s house. Didn’t think she had any relatives.”_

_“Oh. Well, maybe we’ll see him around at school? You probably more than me.” Not just because he was a boy, either; at sixteen, Aedion appeared to be closer in age to this newcomer than she was herself, unless she’d guessed terribly wrong. It was hard to guess, though, with his messy hair so light it almost looked silver in the morning sun._

_“Maybe. Now are you going to throw that or what?”_

_Aelin laughed at the impatience of her cousin and obediently tossed the baseball in his direction for him to catch. “What do you think the story is?” she asked. “That’s way too much stuff for just a short visit. Do you think he’s…”_

_“Do I think he’s what?”_

_“Like me,” she said quietly. Alone, though she knew she couldn’t say as much to Aedion. She bit back a sigh. Really, she loved Aedion and Uncle Gavriel, and it had been so kind of them to take her in after her parents died, but sometimes…_

_She was better off not thinking about that right now. Maybe later, when she was alone with her journal and her playlists and her thoughts._

_“Maybe,” Aedion replied. He tossed the ball back in her direction, and she caught it and threw it back. It went high, higher than her cousin could catch, and he swore and chased after it. While he was distracted, she took a moment to study the new boy. He was tall, probably even taller than Aedion, and that silvery hair that had caught her eye when she’d first noticed him was offset by lightly tanned skin that suggested he was coming from somewhere where the sun shone brighter and hotter._

_He turned, then, and she was immediately drawn in by pine-green eyes before Aedion shoved her shoulder and broke their eye contact. “Hey, leave him be,” he was saying. “I know damn well you know it’s rude to stare.”_

_“Yeah,” Aelin muttered as he led her back toward the front door. When she turned her head to glance in the strange new boy’s direction again, he was gone._

* * *

“R-Rowan?” she stammered. “I thought you’d moved back to Doranelle years ago.” Not terribly long before she’d moved to Rifthold, in fact.

“I did,” he replied in that smooth rolling accent that had so captivated her from the moment they’d first spoken. “And then I moved back here, three years ago.”

“Oh. I see.” Gods, what was there to say after all these years? They’d barely spoken since high school, and had stopped exchanging even the most perfunctory of messages not long after. “How’s, um. Are you still with…?”

“Lyria? No,” he replied. “She… she’s gone. Passed not long before I left Doranelle.”

Oh. Well, shit. As much as she’d unreasonably disliked his girlfriend—his wife? She couldn’t remember now if they’d actually gotten married or not—she hadn’t intended to tread on what was obviously still a bad memory. “I’m sorry,” she managed.

He only shrugged, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. “Aedion mentioned you stayed in Rifthold, after college. Haven’t come back since you graduated, right? Just like you said you would do.”

She shook her head, still stunned. “I haven’t. But Aedion convinced me to come back for Yulemas, so… here I am, I guess.”

“Here you are, indeed.” Though he still didn’t smile, there was the faintest glimmer of amusement in his eyes. “I suppose it’ll get a little crowded around Aedion’s table for Yulemas dinner, then.”

Aelin blinked. “You celebrate with him?”

“Most years, yes. It keeps him from being alone, especially now that he and that guy of his have broken it off, and it keeps me… well, at least somewhat sane.”

She supposed that made some amount of sense, given his situation. If she’d expected to not have to spend the holidays alone ever again, and then was suddenly alone once more… well, that’s exactly why she was here now. What a mess.

A throat cleared behind her. “Aelin, you _know_ this guy? Is _everyone_ you know from here this hot?”

Aelin choked, and Rowan finally laughed. She couldn’t even be mad that it was absolutely at her expense, not when it had been so long since she’d heard the sound. “I’ve already answered that,” she replied. “Sorry. Rowan, this is Lysandra. We went to college together. Lysandra, um, this is Rowan. We—” Gods, what could she even say about him?

Thankfully, he stepped forward to fill her sudden silence—a far cry from the awkward teenager she’d once known. “I moved here in high school. We met then.”

“Well, I’m glad I got to meet you before we both awkwardly showed up to her cousin’s Yulemas dinner,” Lysandra smiled, and Aelin breathed a sigh of relief at her friend’s easygoing charm. Lysandra made friends so easily wherever she went; she swore it was her skills at reading a room rather than any innate warmth, but Aelin knew better.

Rowan laughed, the sound awkward and stilted, and glanced over his shoulder. “Yeah.”

High School Aelin would’ve immediately asked him what was wrong. She would’ve pressed and pressed and not taken no for an answer until this man that had once been her friend had given in and told her everything on his mind. High School Aelin had been so much more confident, though. She hadn’t let what happened to her break her, hadn’t lost faith in all the world had to offer.

Gods, she was getting maudlin and she hadn’t even gotten into the house yet. Maybe coming here had been a mistake, after all.

Finally, she spoke. “Well, um, I guess I’ll be seeing you soon, then.”

“Yeah—shit, hang on,” he interjected as he turned. “Callie, get away from the road.”

Aelin frowned. Callie? Who on earth—

A high-pitched tinkling laugh sounded in reply, and Rowan started jogging away. “Calista Rose Whitethorn, I shouldn’t have to tell you why that’s a bad idea!”

Lysandra shot her a questioning glance, and she only shrugged. Had Rowan found someone else, after Lyria? It was possible, she guessed, though she’d never met anyone around here by that name and people only rarely relocated to Orynth of all places. Maybe it was someone he’d met in Doranelle and brought here?

A little girl, perhaps four or five, ran toward him and tumbled into the snow that had reached her waist by this point. When she righted herself, shrieking with laughter, Aelin noticed her dirty blonde hair that had been clumsily braided back and her hazel eyes. What truly struck her, though, was the angular jaw and determined jut of her chin that was all Rowan.

She was still frozen in place as Rowan hefted the girl into his arms, scolding her for having run into the street with the air of someone who’d given the same lecture a hundred times before and didn’t expect the lesson to stick this time either.

Aelin should have been used to the sensation of the world crashing down around her by now. She had experienced it more times than anyone should be able to count, after all. The feeling never changed, either, from the time she first felt it when she was told her parents wouldn’t be coming home ever again all the way up until her most recent boyfriend had left her to move in with another girl just two weeks later.

The feeling may have never changed, but Aelin never stopped being surprised by it. This was proving to be no exception as Rowan returned to them, the little girl balanced on his hip and his gait adjusting smoothly to the additional weight. “Sorry,” he said as they approached and the little girl buried her face in his coat. “We’re in the phase where listening to grownups is lame and boring, it would seem.”

“I can’t say I blame her,” Aelin managed, hoping it sounded flippant and not as awkward as it felt. “I make a point of listening to as few adults as possible.” She couldn’t bring herself to ask. She wouldn’t.

Though she hadn’t asked, it appeared he was going to tell her anyway. “Aelin, the _last_ thing I need is you encouraging my daughter.”

* * *

_Though Aelin had done a good job forgetting about the new boy until school started, once they learned their lockers were near each other she had begun a campaign to befriend him. It had taken several weeks to penetrate an aloof shell to reveal a shy and painfully awkward boy who was just as alone as she was, and now she was glad to call him a friend. The fact that he was maybe her only friend except for Aedion only had a little bit to do with it._

_Though the status of their relationship had firmly changed from “neighbors” to “friends”, Aelin had recently found herself wondering what it might be like to be more. She’d known, of course, that one day she’d start feeling these kinds of feelings for someone. Uncle Gavriel had been so thorough with “the talk” that she had wanted to shrivel up and die on the spot, but the lessons had stuck._

_She had never expected that_ this _boy would be the one that would captivate her so._

_At first she had tried to ignore it. After all, he was two whole years older than her, and she was sure she was just some dumb fourteen-year-old kid to him for all they were friends. Besides, Uncle Gavriel had said these kinds of feelings didn’t usually last in high school. She just had to wait it out, and hope she didn’t die of embarrassment if he ever caught her staring at him._

_Only it wasn’t going away, and she found herself wasting away entire hours daydreaming about his stupidly perfect hair and his stupidly perfect eyes. Maybe the best way out was to get it out of her system. The only downside to that option was that she would have to actually tell him, and the very idea of that was mortifying._

_She was going to do it, though. That afternoon, she’d watched him walk down the hall and she’d just known somehow that this was her day. She just had to wait for the right moment._

_The right moment, she knew, would come right at the end of the day when they were both at their lockers—her preparing for the walk home, him stowing his things away to get ready for practice. If he shot her down, she would have plenty of time away from school to lick her wounds in peace._

_She watched as he approached, and was prepared to call his name in greeting when his gaze slid past her, eyes widening and jaw dropping slightly._

_Gods, but that was how she wished he would look at her sometimes. Should she look too? She was sure it would kill her, but would it be worse not to know? It would have to be worse not to know, right?_

_She turned and glanced behind herself, and immediately she saw what—or who, rather—had captured his attention._

_She couldn’t remember the girl’s name, but she’d seen her around before. She was one of the cheerleaders, chestnut brown curls pulled back in a high ponytail and brown eyes warm as she laughed with one of her friends._

_Rowan must have finally reached her, and he quietly asked, “Who’s that? Do you know her?”_

_“No,” Aelin forced out before walking away like her entire world wasn’t ending._

* * *

Aelin wasn’t entirely sure how they managed to break away from Rowan—and his _daughter_ , her mind supplied—and make it into Aedion’s house. Ever since he’d introduced her, her mind had been in a daze. Thankfully, she recalled that Lysandra had done most of the talking; hopefully she’d supplied some kind of excuse for her stupid friend who was in the process of having her world rocked yet again.

But they made it inside and hung their damp coats up to dry, and soon Aedion was guiding them toward the two guest rooms he’d set up for them. Lysandra slipped into hers immediately, citing exhaustion from the trip in a way that meant Aelin absolutely knew she was lying. Aelin, however, followed her cousin back out into the main living space.

“I’m glad you finally managed to make it back,” Aedion said before she could ask the questions that had been burning in her mind.

Aelin bristled at the implicit accusation. “I’ve been busy,” she snapped.

“Gods, Aelin, I’m not upset, okay?” He wrapped her up in a hug that had once been so familiar, and she couldn’t help but relax slightly at the memory. “I really am glad. I know you’ve been busy, and I’ve never blamed you for doing what you needed to do.”

Aelin bit her lip as he spoke the words she’d both longed for and feared. Before she could stop herself, she was confessing one of her darkest secrets to the only person she thought had a chance of understanding her. “What if I blame me?”

As soon as the words rushed out of her, she realized just how true they were. Gods, she was such a mess now in comparison to the girl she had been. She’d left all of this behind, all of her family and the place she’d been raised, and for what? A job she hated in a city she despised, where she’d be working every day with a guy who couldn’t even do her the decency of pretending he hadn’t left her for another coworker? _I can’t go back_ , she’d told herself every day. She’d told herself it was because she was living for the future, but it was becoming evident why she’d actually done it.

If she stayed here for too long, she wouldn’t want to go back to her job and her city and her life.

As nice as it would be, and as willing as Aedion seemed to be to help her with such a transition, she couldn’t come back. Especially not now.

Aedion was talking again, and she struggled to give him her attention. “—blame you, then that’s a different story. I can’t stop you from blaming yourself. But I have a feeling you don’t actually want to have that conversation right now.”

That part was true, at least. “You didn’t mention it wouldn’t be just the three of us on Yulemas,” she said quietly.

He stiffened. “Would you have come if I had?”

“Yes.” Aelin scowled and thought about it more. “No. I don’t know.”

Aedion chuckled. “So decisive. That’s why I didn’t bring it up. You were going through enough when you called as it was.”

“You could’ve at least warned me he was back. Or that he has a _kid_. Gods, I looked like such an idiot.”

When she looked up at her cousin he was grinning. “So, maybe not as over him as you thought?”

“ _Aedion_!” she shouted, angry and humiliated at his casual mention of her stupid childhood crush. “Of course I am, I was just… surprised. I thought he was still in Doranelle with his…” she vaguely waved her hand in the air, realizing that she still wasn’t sure exactly what Lyria had been to Rowan in the end.

“You really did break off contact with everyone, didn’t you?” he asked, voice soft and eyes softer.

“You were the only one I spoke with at all,” she confessed. “There is—was— _is_ nothing left for me here.”

He frowned. “You know that’s not true.”

“It _is_ true, cousin. It has to be.” And even if it wasn’t true, it wasn’t as if she could simply change everything now.

Aedion sighed. “Well. If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me, right?”

She tugged him into a hug before grabbing her coat. “I do.”

“Where are you going? It’ll be dark soon,” he cautioned.

“I know. I’ll be back soon.” Before he could say anything else, she slipped out of the front door, feet leading her to a particular destination.

The little park across the neighborhood stood empty just as it always had, a remnant from when more children had lived here. It had proved a godsend when Aelin entered her teenage years; every time living as the only girl in a house full of boys had gotten to be too much, she had slipped away to this little spot. She had done homework on the little picnic table that was somehow still standing, she had danced and run and laughed in the little field, but mostly she had sat in the grass—or the snow—and watched the little pond.

It was too small to be a good skating pond, even in the coldest part of winter. But there was something so peaceful about this little spot anyway that Aelin had never minded. Besides, if it had been better for skating there might have been more demand on the little area, and she didn’t like to share.

Rowan knew where it was, of course; he had once known almost everything there was to know about her. She wondered if he still came here every now and again, if he brought his daughter to see the pond and feed whatever fish still lived in it.

If he had, there was no sign of it now. The morning’s snow had blanketed everything, wiping away every trace that may have lingered. Now it was a place where she could be alone with her thoughts, and try to come to terms with everything that had been revealed in such a short time.

* * *

_“Wait, so you’re not going to ask her to the homecoming dance? Why not?” Aelin could hardly believe her ears. After the past three days of hearing nothing but talk of that pretty brunette girl from the hall, maybe he’d finally gotten it all out of his system and they could go back to normal._

_“Are you kidding, Aelin? I wouldn’t even know where to start.” He sighed, troubled green eyes staring out over the pond._

_Aelin carefully schooled her face into a frown, though her stupid heart was leaping for joy. “Why not?”_

_“Are you kidding? I wouldn’t even be able to say hi. I suck at talking to girls.”_

_“I’m a girl,” she pointed out irritably._

_“Yeah, but you’re different,” Rowan argued. “You’re not…”_

_“What?” Aelin demanded. “What, exactly, am I not that she apparently is?” Gods, just a week ago she would’ve longed to hear him saying she was different, but now… Now it was hitting differently, and she didn’t like it at all._

_Finally realizing her sudden annoyance, Rowan began to mumble. “You know.”_

_“No, I don’t,” she said, tone sickeningly sweet to her own ears. “Why don’t you tell me?”_

_“Gods, Aelin, you don’t have to be such a—”_

_No. No matter what his next word was going to be, she wasn’t ready to hear it. Not from him. Never from him. “If you’re going to yell at me, get out of my spot,” she snapped. “I was here first.”_

_He frowned, but something in her expression must have convinced him that this wasn’t a fight worth having right now because rather than snap back he sighed. “See, this is what I mean. I’d only mess it up. You’re already stuck with me.”_

_If only he knew how true that was. “I guess.”_

_“Hey,” he said, turning fully so his whole body was facing her rather than just his face. “It’s like you said yourself, we orphans need to stick together.”_

_She couldn’t even be nearly as mad as she should be at him throwing her own words back in her face. Gods, how pathetic. Finally, she asked, “So, if you’re not going to ask her to the dance, what are you doing instead?”_

_“What, me? I wasn’t going to go in the first place.” That sounded more like the Rowan she knew, avoiding large events and crowds as much as possible. The boy she had come to befriend tended to stay on the outskirts of any group, quietly observing rather than her own tendency to jump right in._

_“But what_ were _you going to do?” she pressed on._

_He smiled, though there was something almost wistful about it that made her heart melt all over again. “Assuming you’ll allow it and I’m not actually kicked out, I was going to come here. Enjoy the peace and quiet. Maybe with my only friend, if she’s not going to be the life of the party out there.”_

_Aelin smiled. “Maybe she’d rather spend time with_ her _only friend than go out, anyway.”_

* * *

Aelin shook her head as though the motion would dislodge the memory. She had already stayed longer than she’d intended, and the sun had long since set. It was past time that she leave.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and when she checked it she had received a message from Lysandra. **_OMG_** , her friend had typed.

She smiled and replied. _????_

**_You didn’t ever tell me your cousin was HOT. Where are you, anyway?_ **

Her smile immediately turned into a scowl. _Ew, Lys. That’s my COUSIN, I definitely don’t think he’s hot. He looks like me._

**_Yeah, maybe, if you were a hunky guy with shoulder muscles for DAYS._ **

_Let’s skip the poetry about Aedion’s muscles, please. I’d like to sleep sometime tonight._

**_Just tell me if he’s single and we’re good._ **

_I think so, when he invited me he said he’d just broken up with his boyfriend._

**_Boyfriend????_ **

Aelin grinned. _Problem?_

**_Of course not! But does he only go for guys, or…?_ **

_Why don’t you ask him?_

**_OMG Aelin you can’t just ask a guy if he’s gay._** She could just imagine the scandalized look on Lysandra’s face, and she laughed before replying again.

_I mean, I have._

**_And that’s why I’m the social one and not you._ **

_Ugh, fine. He’s bi._

**_YESSSSS._ **

A noise attracted Aelin’s attention then, and she slipped her phone back into her pocket without replying so she could pay closer attention.

“Who’s that, Daddy?” a little girl asked, in a tone that made it obvious she was trying to be quiet but had absolutely no concept of how a whisper could actually be louder than speech when said the wrong way.

She couldn’t quite stop herself from shivering at the accented baritone of Rowan’s reply, though if asked she would immediately blame the cold weather. “That’s Aelin, sweetheart. We met her earlier, remember?”

“Oh. She looks sad.”

Rowan sighed. “Baby girl,” he started to reply, but the child—Callie, her name was Callie—was already darting over to her, a string of faerie lights dragged along in her wake.

Finally, her tiny little legs took her to the bench where Aelin was sitting, and hazel eyes were peering up at her seriously. Aelin blinked. “Um, hi. Callie, right?”

The girl grinned and nodded. “And your name is A… Ae…” Her little face screwed up as she struggled with Aelin’s name, likely due to the tooth that was missing from her smile.

Despite herself, Aelin found herself smiling back. “My name is Aelin, but you can say A if that’s too hard right now.”

Callie’s attention had already gone elsewhere, and with all the energy the gods had seen to give small children she was now attempting to detangle the string of lights she’d dragged through the snow. She seemed to only be making the snarl worse, but the look of determination on her face was so very _Rowan_ that Aelin couldn’t bring herself to interfere. “Daddy said we can put lights up,” she explained.

Rowan finally caught up then, breathless as he tugged the girl into himself. “Calista Rose, what have we said about running off and introducing ourselves to strangers?” he asked, before turning his gaze on Aelin. “Gods, Aelin, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for us to—”

“It’s okay,” she interrupted, surprised to find that it was the truth. Maybe she’d finally gone crazy, but dealing with Rowan’s daughter sounded far preferable to listening to Lysandra drool over Aedion.

“Yeah, Daddy!” Callie exclaimed, and Aelin laughed at the sight of her lecturing her own father, hands on her little hips. “And she’s not a stranger, you said she’s your _friend_ ,” she accused.

Panicked green eyes met hers then, and Rowan grimaced, clearly trying to decide how best to answer. Surprising herself yet again, Aelin spared him from his struggle. “We became friends a _looooong_ time ago,” she whispered conspiratorially. “He might’ve forgotten. Y’know, cause he’s so old.”

She met Rowan’s glare with a wink as Callie considered this information, hand on her chin in a gesture of deep thought. “He _is_ old,” she allowed finally. “ _Really_ old.”

“Gee, thanks,” Rowan grumbled. “Anyhow, we can leave if—”

Callie interrupted with a whine. “But _Daaaaaad_ , you promised!”

“Well,” Aelin replied as she pretended to consider the dilemma. “I can’t have you breaking promises to your own daughter. That sounds awful. I guess we’ll just have to help her put lights up.”

Rowan finally smiled as Callie cheered, promptly making an even bigger mess of her little string of lights. “Thank you,” he said softly before turning to help the little girl detangle the lights.

Once the job was done, Aelin carefully took one end of the lights. “So, where are we putting these?”

Callie immediately pointed at the table, dragging the lights over and starting to wrap them around one of the legs of the table in a way that could only make sense to a child her age. Aelin carefully dropped the other end of the lights and let the girl work, taking a few steps back to talk quietly to Rowan.

“Why’d you come back?” he finally asked, quietly.

She sighed. “I had to get away, at least for a little while. I didn’t really have anywhere else to go, after…”

After she’d realized her job at Havilliard Industries had stolen her soul, chewed it up, and spat it out. After Chaol had left her for Nesryn. There was no way she’d be able to put those into words, though, so instead she finished with, “I just needed a break, I guess.”

“I guess I can understand that,” he replied slowly. “We moved here after Lyria died. There was nothing left for Callie in Doranelle, and I needed to find a place where I would have the time to take care of her. Orynth… it fit.”

“So, what do you do now?” she asked.

“You’ll laugh.”

“I promise I won’t. Here, I’ll go first. I got a _marketing_ job, of all things. Not what I thought I’d be doing in the big city, for sure.”

“I run the local flower shop,” he finally admitted. “Not what I thought I’d be doing when I got out of the service.”

That was right; she vaguely recalled he had enlisted in Wendlyn’s military for a while. “Maybe not, but… it fits, right? It’s what you needed.”

He nodded before turning his gaze back to the child that was now running around the table to pick up the other end of the string of lights. “It is.”

“How is she going to light those?” she asked, curious. “There’s no power anywhere nearby.”

Rowan grinned. “Then it’s a good thing I gave her a string of battery-powered lights, isn’t it?”

Aelin laughed. “I guess so. How old is she, anyway?”

“Almost five. She’ll be in school this time next year.” A strange mix of pride and terror crossed his face then.

Before Aelin could ask him about it, Callie burst into a fit of triumphant laughter and turned the lights on, illuminating the area around the table with the soft glow of faerie lights. “Pretty!” she cried.

“It is!” Aelin called, before speaking again to Rowan more quietly. “Really takes you back, doesn’t it? Decorating this old place.”

“We do it every year,” he admitted quietly. “Ever since we moved back.”

And just like that, Aelin’s whole world changed again.

* * *

_“Come on!” she shouted as she dragged Rowan along behind her, a thrill in her chest from the sensation of her own hand wrapped around his wrist. “Hurry up!”_

_“Where are we going?” he demanded._

_“To the park, come on! It’s Yulemas, you’ve got to see this!”_

_They finally reached the table by the pond, and he crossed his arms across his chest as she finally dropped his hand. “Thanks, Aelin. It looks exactly like it did yesterday.”_

_“Ugh! Boys.” Aelin shook her head before digging in the bag she’d brought with her and finding the little candles she’d tucked into it._

_“What?”_

_“It’s not about what it is_ now _,” she insisted. “It’s about what it_ can _be. This is maybe the prettiest place in all of Orynth. Even prettier than Main Street.”_

_“Given how excited you were to drag me to each and every storefront to appreciate the lights from different angles, you’ll have to forgive me for doubting that you actually like this better.”_

_“Please, it’s not like you were doing anything better that weekend.” It was true; Rowan had never worked up the nerve to talk to that cheerleader girl after all, and their friendship had mostly recovered from that fight they’d had here two months before. “Now help me out,” she demanded._

_“What are we even doing?”_

_“Making a place for these candles.” Carefully, with his help, they leveled off the snow that had gathered on top of the picnic table, and she placed the little tealight candles around the table with a few sprigs of holly._

_“Is this even safe?” he asked, though he kept helping anyway, obediently placing candles where she pointed._

_“Of course it’s safe! These blow themselves out before they would hurt anything, and it’s not like we’re going to just leave them.” Aelin dug in her bag for the lighter she’d snuck out of Uncle Gavriel’s kitchen, grinning as Rowan’s eyes went wide with nerves._

_“Wait, you’re seriously going to light them? Where did you even_ get _that?”_

_“From Uncle Gavriel. Please, like you’ve never borrowed anything from Aunt Maeve.”_

_“I’m pretty sure Aunt Maeve would kill me if I took something like that,” he replied seriously. “Look, if we’re actually going to do this, maybe I should…”_

_“Nope! This is the best part!” Aelin carefully went around the table, lighting each and every candle they’d set out. “Okay. Now sit down and just look at it.”_

_Rowan obeyed, though he still looked skeptical. “It looks like candles on a table.”_

_“If you look at them just right, it’s like they’re glimmering out on the ice,” she replied as she joined him. “Do you see it yet?”_

_From her place beside him, she could tell the moment he finally let himself take in the whole scene. “I guess it’s nice,” he allowed._

_“Ugh, you don’t have to be such a boy about it. It’s okay to like things, you know.”_

_“I know.”_

_And they sat in silence after that, watching candlelight flicker on the snowy picnic table until each tiny candle blinked back into darkness._

* * *

Despite everything that being back in Orynth was stirring up, Aelin woke up the next morning with a smile. As complicated as this place was for her, something about the way the morning sun hit the soft snow blanketing the yard never failed to bring her at least a few moments of peace.

It only rarely snowed in Rifthold, and never to the extent that it regularly did here. Aelin hadn’t seen a setting like the one that was waiting outside her window in years now, and she found she missed it. Of all the complications that Orynth meant to her, this had never been one of them.

Perhaps she’d be able to convince Lysandra to play in the snow later.

Quickly, she got dressed in the layers that living in Orynth required, leggings under her jeans and a sweater over a long sleeved shirt, before slipping down the hall in sock-clad feet. Both of the other bedrooms were completely silent, but she heard noises from the kitchen, so she went to investigate.

It was for the best, really. She was a terrible cook, and if Aedion was awake she could probably con him into making eggs and bacon before her day of frolicking in the snow. She turned the corner into the kitchen…

And froze in the entryway.

Aedion was at the counter next to the stove, wearing his typical morning outfit of plaid pajama pants and a worn shirt. That in itself wasn’t nearly enough to give her pause. But the leg thrown over his hip and the husky laugh of his companion absolutely was. _Damn_ , but Lysandra moved fast. Had she even slept the night in her own guest bed?

She didn’t know, and she didn’t _want_ to know either. It was time to make a quick escape.

Her boots were still beside the door from where she had kicked them off after returning from her unexpected evening with both Rowan and his child. It was the work of a few short minutes to tug them back onto her feet and slip out of the front door, tugging on her coat and winding a scarf around her neck.

High-pitched laughter met her once she had closed the door, and a glance down the lane revealed little Callie having stumbled into a snowbank, large flakes sticking to the twin braids that contained her dirty blonde hair this morning. Rowan wasn’t far behind her, and he was doing his best to hide the grin on his face as he offered to help her free of the snow.

The little girl pulled herself free, only to immediately fall back onto her rear on the sidewalk. The motion had spun her around until she was facing where Aelin stood, and as soon as she saw her she was up again, running toward her and screaming, “Miss A! Miss A!”

Aelin laughed at the child’s enthusiasm, warmed by it in spite of herself. “What are you up to today?”

Callie pointed back at the yard from which she’d run. “Snowman!”

Sure enough, there was a sad little mound of snow standing in the center of the yard. “Are you doing it yourself, or is your dad helping?”

“I’m doing it,” she declared proudly. “I’m not done yet.”

“Well, don’t let me stop you from finishing it,” Aelin said, tweaking one of the girl’s braids.

“Watch me!” she shouted as she ran back toward her own yard and her father.

Well, it was definitely a better idea for her morning than being a third wheel for her friend and her cousin. Mind made up, she marched down the lane behind Callie, much to Rowan’s evident surprise.

“Surely you have better things to do than let my daughter drag you around for your entire vacation,” he said quietly once she reached him.

Aelin shrugged. “My friend and my cousin are probably getting it on in the kitchen. I had to get away.”

“Fair enough.” He grimaced. “I can’t say I’d want to stay for that either.”

And as they watched, Callie determinedly dragged handful after handful of snow to her little mound. “She… does know about rolling a snowball around to make it bigger, right?” Aelin asked.

“Shh. If she does it this way she might actually take her nap today.” Rowan was fighting a grin as he said it. “And if she actually naps, I might be able to finish wrapping presents.”

“Ah.” Not to mention, it was kind of adorable to watch her struggle so much.

Finally, the mound had reached a height Callie seemed to deem acceptable, and she had sculpted it into three rough sections. She darted back to the front porch where a handful of supplies were waiting, tossing a scarf around the snowman’s neck before crying in dismay as the carrot nose flew across the yard and into a deep snowbank.

Aelin took a deep breath and looked at Rowan, expression solemn. “I can’t believe I’m going to do this,” she said.

He frowned. “Do what?”

“Dive headfirst into a snowbank, of course.” She was doing her best to keep a straight face, but she suspected she was failing miserably by this point.

“You don’t have to do that,” he said immediately, pine-green eyes wary. “In fact, you have a choice available to you that is specifically _not_ doing that.”

“Nope,” she declared. “It’s too late. I’m doing it.”

There was still a small hole where the carrot had entered the snow. If she moved quickly enough this would be easy. “Stay back,” she warned daughter and father alike as she took a few steps back to give herself a running start.

Then she launched herself into the snow with a shout.

* * *

_Aelin shrieked with laughter as she tumbled off of the sled and into a deep snowbank, giggling as she heard a concerned shout from the top of the hill. Trust Rowan to be a complete worrywart. She was fine; she was better than fine, even. She was high on the thrill of the sled ride and the snow and this time spent with him. In moments like these, she was positive that nothing could bring her down._

_A hand dug into the snow beside her, clearly trying to help her up, but instead she took it and tugged Rowan down into the snow beside her, laughing even harder. “Gods, Rowan, your_ face _!”_

_“Why do you have to be like this?” he demanded. “You terrified me, you know that? I was so afraid that you’d hit your head and I’d have to explain this to your uncle. Or worse, explain it to my aunt.”_

_“I’m fine!” she assured him._

_He ran his hands over her head anyway, clearly checking for any kind of head injury, and she couldn’t hide the shiver from the feel of his hands on her. “Gods, Aelin, you’re freezing! We’ve got to get you out of here.”_

_“I’m fine,” she repeated, though even to her own ears the words sounded less certain. Maybe she’d hit her head after all, and this was an elaborate fantasy her dizzy and delirious mind had concocted. Or maybe he was going to keep touching her and she’d combust on the spot._

_“Come on, Aelin, please,” he pleaded. Gods, he had to know she would do anything for him if he asked her like that. He had to know, and was obviously using it against her right now. There was no other explanation, unless this was all some kind of crazy dream._

_She had to try. She had to know._

_She reached out a trembling hand toward his face, half-buried in the snow beside her own. Would he let her do this if it wasn’t a dream? What if he_ did _let her touch him? What would happen next?_

_But it turned out that he didn’t let her after all, instead taking advantage of her outstretched hand to tug her free of the pile of snow. She swayed, dizzy from the sudden change from lying in the snow to standing on her feet, and stumbled into him._

_He brushed the remaining snow off her shoulders, glancing at her hair before obviously deciding that was a lost cause. “I think your hat’s still in the snow,” he said quietly. “How mad’s your uncle going to be if you lose it?”_

_“I can get it,” she protested, but he reached into the snow instead, letting out a soft noise of triumph when he found it. Carefully, he brushed the loose snow off of it and tugged it back onto her head._

_“There,” he said. “Good as new, like nothing even happened.”_

_As they walked back to Uncle Gavriel’s house, those words echoed in her mind over and over. Nothing even happened. Nothing even happened. Nothing even happened._

* * *

Aelin jerked herself out of the memory and held the carrot aloft with a triumphant shout. “Got it!”

When she emerged from the snow, it was to the gleeful cheering of a four-year-old and a bemused smile from said four-year-old’s father. “Thanks, Miss A!” Callie shouted, bounding over to take the carrot back from her.

“Miss A?” she asked quietly as Rowan made his way over to them.

Rowan shrugged. “I didn’t tell her to call you that. That was all her.”

“Well, she’s certainly more polite than you ever were,” Aelin teased, watching as Callie carefully centered the carrot in the top part of her snow mound and pressed it in.

“Very funny,” he grumbled. “How long are you staying? I just realized I never asked.”

“I’m leaving the day after Yulemas.” Gods, but it felt awkward to say, throwing in his face that soon she would be walking right back out of their lives forever.

Rowan nodded. “Listen, usually on the night before I send Callie over to Aedion’s to spend the night, so I can finish setting everything up. Then we all come back to mine for Yulemas morning. I know you’re both staying in his spare bedrooms right now, but…”

“Yes?” She leaned closer as his voice got quieter.

“If you wanted to spend one night in my guest room instead, it would keep her routine uninterrupted. I know it’s a lot to ask, but—”

“I’ll do it,” she said. “It’s just one night, right? And that little girl needs the best Yulemas ever.”

Rowan chuckled, clearly relieved. “That’s a pretty high bar. She wore herself out inside an hour last year.”

“I’m sure we can manage it. Have you decorated yet? I can help—”

He cut her off with a gloved hand over her mouth, mirth shining bright in his eyes. “I’ve already decorated, yes, but I’m positive it’s not yet to your satisfaction. If you want to do more while you’re over, I won’t stop you.”

Heat slammed into Aelin’s face at his words, and she fought to keep the blush off of her face. She supposed she could just blame the cold if she failed, though. As she pulled his hand away from her face, she forced a smile. “It’s settled, then. I’ll go into town today and make sure I’ve got everything I need.” Gods, what was she doing? She needed to take it back, needed to apologize and say she couldn’t do it after all, not dig herself deeper into the hole.

“Thank you,” he said, and she was lost just as readily as she had been as a teenager. Fuck, but she was in trouble.

“Speaking of, actually, I should probably get going.” She glanced back at Aedion’s house. “They’re probably still going at it, and I haven’t eaten. I figured I’d stop by that little café on the corner of Main Street.”

“We can go with you, if you want,” he offered, but she was already shaking her head.

“I appreciate it,” she said, and she meant it. “But she should be able to finish her work here, and if I go alone I can find a few surprises to decorate with.”

He nodded, and she left as quickly as was polite. Once she had turned the corner at the other end of the lane, she pulled her phone out and sent a message to Lysandra.

_SOS. Let me know when you’re done banging my cousin, I need girl talk._

She had just reached the little café and seated herself at a small table when her phone buzzed with Lysandra’s reply.

**_OMG I’m so sorry I swear I didn’t mean for it to happen like that._ **

Aelin smiled despite herself. _I’ll forgive you if you help me now._

**_This wouldn’t have anything to do with that cute guy we ran into our first day, would it?_ **

_LYS. But yes._

**_What’s stopping you? We’re here for a week and a half, you might as well enjoy it._** Was that… Yes, that was an emoji waggling its eyebrows. What the hell, Lysandra.

_He has a child, Lys. That complicates it, doesn’t it?_

**_Not if you don’t want it to. I’m not saying you need to elope with the guy, just jump him and get it over with._ **

_You mean like you did?_

**_Harsh. But seriously, it’s Yulemas. Maybe it’ll all work out._ **

_Lysandra, this is not one of your silly Yulemas movies where a girl goes back to her hometown and some muscled guy in plaid teaches her the meaning of the season with his magical healing dick._

**_Why not? I don’t see anything stopping you but you._ **

Aelin sighed, giving up on the conversation for a moment as she ordered eggs and coffee. Before long, though, she was back on her phone.

_One more thing. What the hell do four year olds like for Yulemas?_

**_Girl you are GONE on this guy, aren’t you? Where are you? I’ll meet you and we can shop together._ **

That was probably the least painful way this could go, though she was sure to be embarrassed beyond belief by the end of the day. Gods, and she would have to explain their entire history to her friend.

She hadn’t talked about Rowan when she went off to college. She’d left him behind the same as she had everyone else in Orynth. It had felt like the only way to move on, as much as it had hurt at the time and as awkward as it would be now to come clean.

That conversation was likely to happen anyway at this point, but she could at least make sure it was near neither Rowan nor Aedion. Mind made up, she texted Lysandra back with the address of the café and let the waitress know she would have a friend joining her.

As she waited, stirring sugar into her coffee cup, Aelin allowed her mind to wander as it had been so wont to do from the moment they set foot in Orynth.

* * *

_“You’re never going to believe what happened today,” Rowan said as they began their walk home from school, winding their scarves tight against the early spring chill._

_“Aedion finally asked out that boy in your English class,” she guessed._

_“What? No. At least, I don’t think he did.”_

_“That’s a bummer,” she replied. “That means I’ll have to keep hearing Aedion talk about whether or not to do it. Um, Elide finally lost it on that guy in homeroom?” That was a longer shot by far; Elide was one of the sweetest girls Aelin knew, with the patience of a saint._

_Rowan snorted. “He’d have it coming if she did. But no.”_

_Aelin frowned, brows furrowing in thought. “I guess I’m stuck,” she said as they turned a corner. “Fine, I give up. What is it?”_

_He smiled. “Okay, so we got assigned this group project in history class. You know, the usual thing, pick a topic from the list and do a presentation about it.”_

_“Okay, but that’s not exactly newsworthy. You guys get projects all the time,” she pointed out, bending down to pick a crocus from the side of the road. She probably shouldn’t be plucking flowers from the community gardens, but she just couldn’t stop herself from picking the first of the crocuses she saw in the spring. The flower itself was nothing special; she far preferred the kingsflame that bloomed later in the season. But it symbolized the turning of the seasons, and for that alone she appreciated it._

_Sure enough, when she looked back at Rowan he was frowning. “Are you sure you’re allowed to do that?”_

_“No. So what happened with this project?” she asked, wanting his attention on the story and not on her tendency toward petty misdemeanors related to flowers._

_His ears turned pink, and her heart sank to the pit of her stomach. Gods, she had thought they were past this. She had just begun to hope, to think she might possibly have the slightest chance with him. Now it looked like all of those hopes were about to be dashed._

_Sure enough, his next words confirmed her worst fears. “It’s in partners, and Lyria got assigned as my partner. We’re going to be meeting about it after school tomorrow.”_

_“Oh. That’s… that’s good, right?” It wasn’t good, not at all, but Aelin had just been forcibly reminded of her place in his life. She was his friend, and friends encouraged each other, right? She could do this, even if it killed her._

_“That’s very good. I know it’s just about the project, but maybe she’ll like me, you know?” He bit his lip, and judging from the color it was far from the first time that afternoon he’d done so._

_“I don’t see why she wouldn’t,” Aelin said honestly. “I mean, you’re… you’re you,” she finished, knowing as she said it just how lame the words sounded._

_It seemed to be encouraging enough for Rowan, though, because he smiled at her. “Thanks, Aelin. You’re a good friend.”_

_And just like that, Aelin’s already-delicate heart shattered._

* * *

The rest of the week passed by in a snowy blur, and soon it was the night before Yulemas. She had just vacated the guest room she’d been staying in to allow for Callie to go through her Yulemas tradition of staying with Aedion, and her heart felt like it had lodged in her throat as she knocked on Rowan’s door.

Her breath caught right alongside her heart when he opened the door, wearing a shirt that looked almost impossibly soft with sleeves short enough to reveal the swirling marks of a dark tattoo along his left arm. “Um,” Aelin began. “Aedion’s getting Callie to wind down now. When did you get that?” With the hand that wasn’t holding her bags of decorations and of clothing, she gestured at the marks.

He let her in and closed the door behind her before answering. “After Lyria died,” he said quietly. “It’s in the Old Language of Wendlyn, and it tells both her story and my shame.”

“Shame?” Gods, Aelin shouldn’t be asking this of him. Their newly-rekindled friendship was on shaky enough ground as it was.

Rowan answered anyway. “After we married, but before we had Callie… we weren’t in a good place. I’d joined the military, which I know you know about, and she hated that I could be away for months at a time. We… fought. A lot. So I stayed away longer and longer, only coming back for short leaves here and there. Then we learned we were having a child, and… I couldn’t be there for the birth. She left then, but six months later she was involved in a car accident. I was due to re-enlist then, but I retired instead and took charge of Callie. We moved here not long after.”

“Gods, I’m so sorry,” Aelin replied. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“What about you?” he asked. “What have you been up to in Rifthold?”

This was it. This was what she hadn’t talked about with anyone here, with the exception of Lysandra. She sighed. “Honestly, right now I kind of hate it,” she said, hoping he would leave it at that.

Of course, for once he decided to press further. “What’s so bad about it?”

Just like that, the words began pouring out of her as though they were back in school and she was once more spilling her problems to her closest friend. “I hate my job,” she confessed. “I thought it would be fun and exciting, but… not to mention, my last boyfriend was also a coworker, and so is his _new_ girlfriend, so I have to see them _every godsdamned day_ and pretend like they just moved quickly when they moved in _two weeks_ after he left me. But… I can’t just leave. That would be letting them all win.”

“And we all know how Aelin Galathynius feels about letting other people win.” Where once those words would’ve sounded angry, Rowan must have learned to better hide his feelings. Now the sentence was carefully devoid of emotion, letting her judge the words at face value rather than responding defensively to his tone.

“Maybe Aelin doesn’t know anymore,” she admitted. “But I didn’t come here to talk about all of this, I came here to help you decorate.”

He finally let it drop then, and she walked into their living area.

There was certainly room to place other decorations along the mantle and the stairs, but the Yulemas tree was absolutely stunning. Strings of soft white lights made the branches glow and the ornaments glimmer in shades of the traditional red and gold. On the lower branches, Callie must have helped to decorate, for the placement was haphazard and the ornaments were less fragile and more child-approved.

Rowan chuckled behind her, and she belatedly realized she was just staring at the tree like an idiot who wanted a life she couldn’t have. “The tree is perfect,” she finally managed.

“Really? Because I thought you were going to say the tree looks like it was decorated by a four-year-old and her helpless father. Which is true,” he said with a smile. “But it’s been working for us.”

“It’s perfect,” she declared. “I bet Callie loved helping.”

“That she did,” he laughed. “So, what did you bring with you?”

She grinned, tugging out strands of faerie lights and red ribbons and garlands made to look like pine. “I wondered for maybe five minutes if you’d have a mantle to put all this on, but this is Orynth. If you don’t have a fireplace, winter is suffering.”

“Some of us like the cold,” he replied.

“And some of us are wrong,” she retorted. “Now help me get the lights on this garland.”

About an hour later, more soft white lights were gleaming from the mantle and wrapped around the handrail of the staircase. They had placed a garland over the mantle, and more sprigs of pine and holly were scattered around the room in little wreaths and sprays. “There,” she said as she flopped on the couch. “Now it’s perfect.”

“It is.” He sat beside her, and she turned to see his eyes on her, pine green glimmering in the soft faerie lights.

Aelin glanced away and swallowed, trying to rid herself of the lump that had suddenly caught in her throat. Gods, Teenaged Aelin had dreamed and pined for a moment like this, and now that it was within her reach she wasn’t sure what to do with it. It had been so long, so many years and so much distance standing between them, and yet some soft lighting and a softer look in his eyes had her melting as though no time at all had passed.

It had been over ten years since the moment Aelin had come to the decision to let Rowan go, but now she found herself wondering once more what it would be like to finally close the gap between them and let herself have what she’d always wanted.

* * *

_“Where are you going to go?” Aelin asked from her perch on Rowan’s bed as he packed._

_“After graduation, you mean?” He neatly folded some more shirts into a box. “I’m going back to Wendlyn. I can’t stay here forever, you know.”_

_“Oh.” Maybe she could figure out a way to get to Wendlyn too. He was graduating soon and would be leaving soon thereafter, but she only had two more years of school left herself. Maybe she could look at universities in Wendlyn, see if she could—_

_“I’m going to ask Lyria to come with me,” he said, and just like that the fragile dream shattered._

_It had been so easy, in the two years they had been dating now, to pretend as though nothing had changed between Rowan and his cheerleader girlfriend. Rowan was always so careful to still make time for Aelin, even though it was less time than before, and the couple seemed to avoid public displays of affection for the most part. But Rowan was still in love with a girl who wasn’t Aelin, and no amount of pretending on her part would stop this from happening. There would be no Rowan-and-Aelin, taking on Wendlyn by storm. There would just be Aelin, left behind and left all alone forever as a pretty brunette with warm brown eyes took everything she had ever wanted for herself._

_“Do you think she’ll go?” she asked, hoping her voice didn’t sound as tight as her throat felt._

_“I hope so,” he sighed. “I know it’s a lot to ask, I won’t exactly be around for the first six months or so.”_

_“What? Why not?”_

_He turned to face her, pine-green eyes as serious as she had ever seen them. “I’m enlisting in Wendlyn’s military.”_

_“Oh. Well, that’s good, right? If that’s what you want to do, I mean.”_

_“It is.” And it would be a good fit for him, too, this quiet and serious boy before her. “Lyria isn’t sure she likes it, but she said I should go for it if it’s what I really want.”_

_“She’s right, you know. You should. I mean, it’s your entire future, right? You’d just regret it if you let someone talk you out of it.”_

_He nodded slowly. “And I’m sure she’ll understand. It’s an adjustment right now, but after training we’ll be able to stay together if we’re married. I’ve been asking around.”_

_Gods. Not only was he asking her to move to be with him, he was thinking of proposing to Lyria. “That’s a big step, isn’t it?” she managed to say around the tightening in her throat._

_“It is. I’m still thinking about it. But…” his voice trailed off as he picked up one of the pictures of her that decorated his desk._

_But he was going to do it. He was going to marry his high school sweetheart. Aelin was sure she would say yes._

_And now it was time for Aelin to let go of anything she’d hoped and dreamed would come to pass._

* * *

Aelin laid on top of Rowan beside the Yulemas tree, his fingers skimming over the bare skin over her spine, and wondered how on earth she’d gotten to be so lucky.

She didn’t know if it was the look in his eyes or the play of soft white light over his face, but she’d found herself leaning in toward him. Unbeknownst to her, he had been doing the same thing, and before she’d been able to stop and think their lips had met.

It had been absolute heaven. Rowan had kissed her like she was the only thing in the world that mattered, soft and tender and dizzying, and before long she had thrown herself at him and slid her hands under that shirt that had turned out to be exactly as soft as it had looked. He had been surprised for a moment, but soon enough he had responded in kind and then they were on the floor beside the tree, her shirt tossed across the room somewhere and his own underneath her.

Aelin could have cried in bliss, the moment he’d pressed himself inside of her. The weight and size of him had been perfection beyond words, and all too soon she had been shuddering into a peak of sensation beneath him despite wishing the moment could have lasted forever.

His own peak had rushed along behind hers, but rather than get up he had simply rolled them so he was supporting her weight as they pressed together. Now he was tracing random patterns along bare skin, looking up at her as though he was seeing something he’d never imagined before. She supposed perhaps he was.

She languidly stretched above him, humming as the motion reawakened the pleasant ache between her thighs. He smiled in reply, his free hand finding its way into her hair, and she happily snuggled into his chest once more, reveling in the sensation.

She wasn’t sure how long they spent like that, cuddled together beside the tree, before her own voice broke the comfortable silence. “I got both of you Yulemas presents,” she revealed with a kiss to his shoulder that sent a thrill through her.

He blinked, rising up onto his elbows, and she rolled to the side to allow him to sit up. “You did?”

She nodded, and from the heat in her face she could tell she was blushing. “I did. I hope you like them, I’ve never really had to shop for a kid before—”

“No.”

Aelin froze where she sat. “What?”

When she looked over at him, his expression was hard, eyes that had been so warm just moments before like ice. “You heard me. No.”

“I don’t understand,” she confessed. What had she done wrong? They had been so happy just moments before.

“You can come back here and play pretend for a little while before you go right back to Rifthold and leave this all behind forever if you want,” he replied. “I certainly can’t stop you. You can even bring me into it. I obviously didn’t mind. But you do _not_ get to play this little game with Callie.”

Gods, he was _so_ angry, his words practically a growl. “I didn’t—”

“Think of it as a game?” He was up now, gathering the clothes they’d discarded and tossing her own shirt back at her. “Of course not. Why would you? It’s not _your_ life you’re playing with. And it’s like I said, if it was just mine I wouldn’t even care. But that little girl has had _enough_ loss. I’m not letting you walk into her life like this and then walk right back out and make her wonder what she’d done wrong.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered as she slipped back into her shirt. Gods, what had she been thinking? He had every right to be upset, and she was misreading things like always. “I’ll just, um…”

She gestured at the guest room he’d had her set her bags in earlier, and he nodded shortly. She took a deep breath and tried one more time. “Um, good night, I guess.”

“Good night.” Gods, he wasn’t even looking at her anymore. She’d absolutely ruined everything, and now she’d have to live with that.

Quietly, she slipped away, up the stairs they’d decorated earlier and into the darkened room. It must have been a cloudy night, for there was no starlight glimmering off of the snow in the yard.

Not bothering with turning on a light, she dug in her bag for the package that had been meant for Callie and pulled the wrapping paper off of it with trembling fingers. The colored pencils tumbled to the floor, the packaging thankfully staying intact, but she was able to keep a hold of the coloring book full of pages of lively flowers. She bit her lip, tracing along the edge of a kingsflame blossom on the cover with her fingertips.

For a fleeting moment she considered tearing the book apart, or throwing it away. She couldn’t bring herself to do it, though, knowing it would only bring her further grief. Instead, she tucked the book and the pencils alike into one of the empty drawers. Rowan would find it later, and maybe he could give it to his daughter and pretend he’d gotten it for her.

Maybe he’d just throw it out when he found it. But there was a chance his temper would’ve calmed enough by the time he actually saw the book that he would pass it along, even if the little girl never learned the true identity of the gift-giver.

It was for the best, she knew. Callie certainly deserved better than someone who came whenever she pleased and left whenever she felt she had to, regardless of how a child would feel about it. That didn’t stop her from quietly sobbing as her head hit the pillow.

* * *

_The setting was familiar, Aelin sitting on the edge of the kitchen counter in his aunt’s house, even though the reason they were both back here was one she had never expected. His aunt had passed quietly in the night two months before, and now she was seeing him again for the first time in two years as he cleaned up the house to either sell it or rent it out._

_Those two years had treated him well, filling out the muscles of his chest and back and shoulders. He was a man now, twenty years of age to her eighteen, and he certainly looked like one too. It was so hard seeing him like this, when she knew that there was someone else waiting for him back home in Wendlyn. But he’d asked for her presence and her assistance, and she knew she would regret it forever if she’d turned him away when he’d needed her._

_They had spent nearly an hour in awkward silence, boxing up Maeve’s china and silverware, before Aelin blurted out, “I’m leaving.”_

_He turned to look at her, though he didn’t speak, and where once she could’ve told what he was thinking just by looking into those eyes, she found he was now a mystery to her._

_She rushed to clarify. “Not right now. After I graduate, I mean. Like you did.”_

_He just returned his focus to the kitchen cabinets, sorting and organizing the many pots and pans his aunt had gathered over the years._

_The sound of soft metallic clanging was the only one to reach her ears for a while. Gods, was he truly not even talking to her? He’d barely spoken since he’d arrived in Orynth, but she’d written that off as him feeling uncomfortable with what he was there to do and not anything to do with her personally. Now, though, it was harder to think that his lack of reaction was unrelated to who he was speaking with. Had they truly grown so far apart?_

_Perhaps they had. Though he wore no ring on his hand, she realized that she didn’t know if he’d actually proposed to Lyria like he’d been talking about those two years previous. When had they even spoken last, before he’d called her to help with this? She was struggling to remember._

_Perhaps it had been a mistake to agree to help. But it wasn’t a decision she could just take back now. He needed her._

_That didn’t mean his utter lack of response sat well with her, however. She crouched beside him, pulling more pans out of the cabinet, and continued on. “I’m going to Rifthold. There’s a good college there, lots of job opportunities—”_

_When he cut her off, his voice was cold. “Do what you want, Aelin. I don’t care.”_

_This time, as she stumbled out of his aunt’s house fighting off tears once more, she knew she wouldn’t speak to him again. He’d moved on and was living his life without his friend. It was beyond time for her to do the same. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her phone and finally deleted his number before letting the tears fall._

* * *

Yulemas day passed in a subdued blur for Aelin, and soon she and Lysandra were boarding their train back to Rifthold. Aedion had accompanied them to the station this time, and Aelin stood awkwardly to one side as they exchanged numbers and shy promises to visit whenever they could.

Aelin was happy for them. Really, she was. Someone should have a happy Yulemas season.

Once they were on board and the train had departed, Lysandra tried to get her to talk about Rowan’s conspicuous absence from their departure, but she found she didn’t quite know what to say. She asked something about her and Aedion instead, though she couldn’t remember what, and Lysandra happily chattered along as Aelin watched the snowy woods pass by the window.

Returning to her shoebox of an apartment after having spent so long in Orynth served as a rude awakening for Aelin, and she sighed as she hauled her bag onto the bed so she could unpack. It took twice as long when she was struggling to hold back tears, but she still managed, and even managed a few hours of fitful sleep before dragging herself back to work the next day.

Lysandra had been smart when she’d requested her leave. She’d allowed a day of rest after arriving home, whereas Aelin had thought she would be glad for the return to routine. As she passed through the doors of Havilliard Enterprises, though, swiping her badge along the way for entry into the building, she fought a sudden rise of bile in her throat. _This_ was what she had left it all behind for? Another day, another handful of dollars clutched in her fist at the exchange of her soul, the art she had studied being used to manipulate people into buying whatever stupid shit they were selling today?

It wasn’t too late to call in sick. She could just back out of the doors, call her boss, explain that she’d thought she could make it in but she was just too unwell to work. It would really be for the best; she obviously needed more time to get over everything that had happened in a short week and a half.

She had just turned to leave the building when she saw a sight that made her freeze.

That was Chaol outside the doors, but it wasn’t Nesryn he was kissing. She didn’t know who this woman was, though she worked at the hospital nearby if the scrub pants peeking out from her jacket were anything to go by. The woman smiled up at him, positively glowing with joy from the season—or, no, from something else entirely, Aelin realized as the woman’s hand strayed to her own abdomen. _Gods,_ had he already…?

He evidently had, as his hand slid to cover hers with an answering smile. How long had they even been seeing each other? She’d thought he was still with Nesryn before she’d left for her little vacation; had he been seeing this woman on the side like she was sure he’d been seeing Nesryn while he was still nominally with Aelin?

Something broke in her then, and she realized with a laugh that it was the last chain holding her back. Why should she care what he did? Why should she care about anything that happened in this stupid city, when she had just realized her entire world lay elsewhere?

Turning on her heel, she marched past her own desk and right into her boss’ office. Dorian Havilliard, heir to the company but currently still her immediate supervisor, blinked up at her. “I don’t think we had a meeting until next week,” he said, eyes bleary with what someone else would think was sleep but she knew was most likely whatever crazed Yulemas party he’d attended.

“We don’t, but I’m here to tell you I won’t be at that meeting.” Gods, her heart was fluttering in her chest, but her mind and gut were both in agreement despite her nerves. She was finally doing the right thing for once in her godsdamned life.

He leaned forward, hands braced on the desk in front of him. “Aelin, as your boss I am telling you to get to the point. As your friend, I am telling you that I am too godsdamned hungover to draw this out and _begging_ you to get to the point.”

She smiled. “I quit, Dorian. I’m leaving.”

He blinked, and then laughed. “If I’m being honest with you, I’m surprised every day you keep showing up. You leaving is the most Aelin decision I’ve seen you make in years.”

“You’re not… upset?”

“Not at all,” he smiled. “Now get out of here, you know we never let anyone actually work out their time after their notice and I know your projects are all wrapped up anyway. Clean out your desk and go home.”

Grinning, she turned and walked back to her desk, taking the few things she had ever left there to begin with and leaving forever. On her way out, she tugged her phone out of her pocket and texted Lysandra the news before dialing a different number and pacing nervously as the dial tone began to ring.

The recipient of the call didn’t pick up, but she hadn’t exactly expected him to. Instead, she drove home and began throwing her clothes into suitcases while waiting for him to call back.

It didn’t take long before all of her belongings were packed away; most of what she had was clothing, as well as a few kitchen implements for the oven she admittedly never used. Any food in the refrigerator was neatly bagged so Lysandra could use her spare key and pick it up; she didn’t want it to go to waste, after all. She also left the wine, knowing that her friend would likely demand it in exchange for what she was asking of her.

Finally her phone rang, and she glanced briefly at the caller’s name before picking up with a smile. “Hey, I need a favor,” she said.

* * *

_“You know you don’t have to do this, right?” Aedion asked as they loaded the last of her boxes into her car. Soon she would be driving her way down to Rifthold and beginning her first days as a university student, and she couldn’t be more excited. Aedion, on the other hand, was much more hesitant about the situation._

_It made sense, in a way. He’d stuck around after he graduated, leaping right into the fire academy like his father before him. He’d never had any desire to leave Orynth, and she couldn’t blame him. It held precious few bad memories for him, after all._

_Aelin, on the other hand, was tired of feeling weighed down by ghosts of what might’ve been. No, it was past time that she leave. “I’m ready,” she said. “And it’s not like you’ll never hear from me again. You could even visit.”_

_Her cousin smiled sadly, and she knew if she asked him to he’d follow her to Rifthold just to make sure she was happy. She couldn’t ask that of him, though. He loved his hometown, loved the people in it, and she had no right to take any of that away from him just because she was miserable here. “And you can visit here, you know that, right?”_

_She laughed. “I’ll be home on my breaks,” she replied, though already it felt strange to refer to Orynth as home when her whole future was about to unfold in another city. “They close the campus down over Yulemas and during the summer, and I’d have nowhere else to stay.”_

_“Then I guess I won’t take over your room and turn it into a game room_ just _yet,” he teased._

_She hugged him, then, dropping her last bag to the ground in order to get a better grip on her cousin and friend. “I’ll miss you,” she admitted. “You and Uncle Gavriel will probably be the only people I miss from here, you know that?”_

_He frowned, but by this point he knew better than to bring up the spectacular blowup and fizzling out that had been the end of her friendship with Rowan. “I know,” he finally replied. “It’s weird, I want you to make friends out there, and I know you will. But I don’t want you to make_ too _many, because I want you to come home someday. Is that weird?”_

_She smiled sadly. “That’s not weird. We’re family, and this is the first time we’re going to be this far apart for this long.” It_ was _quite a distance; Rifthold was two days of driving away. She’d be stopping by the border between Terrasen and Adarlan for the evening before getting the rest of the way to the city the next day._

_He tugged at her braid rather than reply. “Okay. Get going, before one of us cries. If it’s you I’ll freak out, and if it’s me that’ll just be embarrassing.”_

_She laughed, tucking her last bag away before opening the driver’s side door. “Whatever, you big baby.”_

_“Text me when you get to your hotel tonight!” he called as he backed away from the car._

_“Yes, mom!” she shouted, grinning when he doubled over in laughter. Then she was driving away, watching him wave until he faded from view._

* * *

Aelin’s heart leapt into her throat as she knocked on Rowan’s door just as it had the night before Yulemas. Gods, what if she was making a terrible mistake after all? What if he opened the door, only to slam it shut again in her face? Worse, what if he never opened it at all?

Arms wrapping around herself, she began to pace on his porch. This had been a terrible idea. She should’ve waited a bit longer, maybe run into him in a public place instead of barging into his home. That would’ve been a safer option. This was risky as hell, and yet deep down she knew it was her best chance. That thought did almost nothing to settle her nerves, though.

The door opened, and she looked back at it, blinking when she saw no one at all before glancing down and seeing it had been opened by Callie instead of Rowan. The little girl opened her mouth on a gleeful shout, but Aelin quickly dropped to her knees and hushed her. “It’s a surprise,” she whispered.

“Oh,” Callie whispered back, and Aelin was once again thrown into amusement at just how loud a four-year-old’s whisper could be. Before she could say anything, though, before she could ask the girl about her day or see if her dad was awake yet, tiny arms were thrown around her in a tight hug.

Fuck, but it would be so easy to love this child. If she was truly honest with herself, Rowan’s daughter had stolen away a piece of her heart the moment she’d first heard her try to say her name. Even more than what she may or may not feel for Rowan, this alone was the best confirmation she could get that she was making the right choice after all. “Aww, I’m so glad to see you again too,” she whispered, tucking a stray lock of dirty-blonde hair back into one of her ever-present braids. “Did your daddy do your hair today?” she grinned, already knowing the answer from the way the braids were falling apart. Rowan’s work was far neater.

“Nope!” Callie replied at full volume. “I did!”

Aelin winced, knowing the shout was sure to attract Rowan’s attention. “It’s pretty,” she said as she heard footsteps approach at a full run.

“What are you doing here, Aelin?” Rowan’s words were cold and angry, but when she looked up at him she realized that he wasn’t speaking from a place of wrath. No, Rowan was afraid. And she knew exactly why; he’d shouted it at her on that night before Yulemas, after all.

“You were right,” she said simply, watching the fight drain out of his shoulders. “What I was doing wasn’t fair to you, to her, or to me.”

“That doesn’t explain why you’re _here_ ,” he replied, but his face… she hadn’t seen this kind of hope cross his features in a long time, and _never_ directed at her.

With a few murmured words down to the child still in her arms, she sent her back to Rowan before standing as Callie wrapped her arms around her father’s leg instead. “I quit my job,” she blurted out. “I quit my job, I broke the lease on my apartment, and I moved back in with Aedion.”

Rowan quietly ushered Callie into the living room, where she resumed happily coloring in a page of… gods, that was the coloring book she’d left behind for her. With his daughter’s attention otherwise occupied, he turned back to Aelin. “ _Why?_ ” he said quietly.

She felt the corner of her lips turn up in a crooked smile. “I was wrong, when I left for Rifthold. My life wasn’t there, only my work. My life… it’s _here_. With my family… with you, if you’ll let me.”

Rowan was silent for a moment, clearly thinking over her answer, and she bit her lip. This was it. She’d said everything she could. Now everything depended on Rowan’s response. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again and shook his head, and she almost jumped out of her skin. Gods, she was so nervous. Even if he allowed her back in, they would still have so much to resolve, but if he shut her back out now… well, she didn’t know what she’d do.

He finally laughed, tugging her into a crushing embrace and burying his face against her hair. “You never do anything by halves, do you?” he asked.

She opened her mouth to answer but a sob came out instead, shocking them both. As hot tears spilled down her cheeks, she fisted her hands in the material of his shirt. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I don’t know why—”

He only pulled her close once more, urging her head to come to rest against his shoulder. “You’ve had a long week,” he said quietly. “We all have.”

Slowly her shoulders stopped shaking, and she finally looked up at him with a watery smile. “So…”

“We’ll have to go slow,” he cautioned. “I meant what I said about Callie having lost enough.”

Was he really saying…? She had to know. “But…” Her words trailed off. What could she even ask? He had to know he was holding her heart in his hands right now. He had to know that a single word from him was about to alter the course of her life forever.

Rather than respond verbally, Rowan leaned in and kissed her like he first had the night before Yulemas, soft and slow, almost tentative.

As much as she wanted to just melt into his embrace and forget time had any meaning, she knew that this alone wouldn’t fix things. And so she pulled back ever so slightly, just enough to get a good look at his face. “Does this mean we can try?”

He smiled. “This means we can try.”

Before she could kiss him again, the sound of tearing paper reached her ears, and they both turned as one to where they’d left Callie coloring. The child had torn a page out of her book, and now she was running back over to them with a wide grin. Breathlessly, she presented the page to Aelin, who accepted it with a smile and then began tearing up all over again when she saw it was a carefully-colored kingsflame blossom like the one that had been on the cover when she’d seen the book in the shop. “I made it for you!” Callie beamed up at her.

Aelin fell to her knees once more, and she felt Rowan do the same beside her before hugging them both to himself. “It’s perfect,” she told Callie earnestly.

And it was perfect. For once in her life, this was a perfect moment, and she was so looking forward to having more just like this.


End file.
